Home is where the heart is

This experience in Vietnam has been truly beautiful from beginning to finish. Coming here I had feeling of anticipation and I had no idea what I was in store for. Since day one of EAP I had begun to fall in love with Vietnam and the people here. Now that I'm leaving soon I feel as though I'm going through a break up that I had seen coming. I never thought that I would learn so much about myself and about the world around me. What I think was most important was that I was able to grow as a person. I learned how to love myself and become a true individual. And these things are something that I would never forget and always take with me. For that, I thank everyone who has made my experience here an unforgettable journey.

I have never come into a place where I have felt like I belonged. Even with my little grasp of vietnamese and the mere fact that I've lived my entire life in America, although it was a strange place I still found home and comfort in the people outside and the environment I tossed myself in. I still remember the first Bia Hoi with UCHANU and I was talking to Vi about how I was afraid of being homesick and how I was still wondering why I haven't felt it coming yet. He told me that the reason I don't feel homesick here is because amongst all the differences I find somewhere in my heart that this place is home. Now that I'm nearing the end of this program I find that what he said was true.

It's hard not to step outside and remember the faces of my aunties, uncles and even my mother. I constantly find comfort in the fact I went on this adventure for them, to find a seek a deeper connection with the people I've called my family my entire life.

What I didn't expect to find was family amongst my friends and the people I met here. It's amazing to see how much each of us has grown since day one, and I love that we all grew together. Although we might've each had our own personal journeys, we still began together and here we are approaching the finish line. I suppose it's not the finish line because everything we've learned here is going to carry on with us as we come back home to the friends and family we've always known.

I think something I will never forget is meeting all the locals here and the super awesome HANU students. I remember entering Pho Co for the first day scared as a mouse looking into the eyes of a cat. I thought I would never be able to do any of this on my own and that I would need some holding my hand, but the HANU students helped us so much. They showed us new things and a beautiful side of Ha Noi starting with their warm friendships. Working with them throughout the year and getting to know them has been so amazing. I think the way I will take the experience in EAP and UCHANU back home with me is in my heart. I know that leaving will be one of the hardest things I will ever do, but as the quote goes, home is where the heart is, and I take home everywhere I go. I know the relationships we've created here aren't going to stop when I enter that airplane.

Lastly I thank Gerard, A Thai and Chi Moc for guiding me through this EAP journey. Beauty is to be found eveywhere in Ha Noi, especially the people.

This is me signing off of my last blog!
It's not good-bye, it's hen gap lai nhe? :' )

Working in a Group

Go Team Cucumber!

I think working in a group has always been different experiences for me. Coming from a background of endless organizing, I have always had to be able to adjust to different groups and working styles. This time, it was a lot different because, although in america we do have diversity, in this particular working group, we come from different backgrounds, ways of growing up, with many different languages mixed into it also.

I truly appreciated the group that I had to work with. I think what was important is that when we started to slip we were able to pull each other back up and support each other by any means. Many times it was a group effort and not an effort of a certain leader or person. Doing each interview we had to be able to work together and balance the work which I think we were able to achieve.

Yay dua leo :)

What?

Where did the time go? Here I am sitting, 1 month left. Is this even real? one more fucking month? That’s all I get? My mind is so blown I can’t even begin to come to grips with how much has happened. How much I’ve grown, and changed, and how much of me I’ve been able to discover. Right now I can’t even think back on everything that’s happened, like a blink of an eye it went by like that.

I’m freaking out.

Viet Nam you will always have a permanent place in my heart. And I promise to make this last month worth it, and I never make promises.

healthcare in VN

So last week we went to Southern VN on a field trip. I was so excited... until... I GOT AN APPENDICITIS! RoaoaOar. It was the scariest experience of my life. Because of my lack of understanding in Vietnamese, it was hard to communicate to the doctors, as well as the conditions of the hospital were a lot different from american hospitals. The bedside manners were a very different and I had to be able to cope with recovering through this surgery with major culture shock. I was very lucky that I had my family there with me. Without them and their endless visits I wouldn't know what I wouldve done, as well as the warm messages from all the EAPers and friends from Ha Noi. Chi Moc was also a very great help to me too.

Reflecting back on that experience I realized the strength of family, even ones that didn't know me that well. Their warmth and care made me realize that family is truly important in VN. traveling from the far outskirts of Rach Gia, they came to just make sure I was still breathing and alive. It was an experience I would never forget.

Factory field Trip

This week we were able to visit two factories. Although we didn't visit factories that were at the status of sweatshops, the conditions of the factories we visited were still pretty hard to imagine myself working in. The textile factory had loud machinery that made it hard to hear while you were in there, even harder if you were there for long periods of time everyday. The Yamaha factory had a distinct smell when we entered the area where they put the bikes together. By the end of the tour many us began getting headaches. Although many of these conditions compared to other places seem a lot better, in reality prolonged times in these factories may wear down on the health of these workers. Even though this is true, we found that many of the workers were content to on their work here. These factories although dangerous, provided a sort of freedom and independent means of existence that they wouldn't find otherwise, especially for the younger generations.

Yesterday

I spent a beautiful day in Pho Co.

Buying ruou for Irene the birthday girl :) then coconut jelly, then spontaneously being a tour guide alongside minderz. Eating some my hoanh thanh, getting some tra chanh near the church, and then some hoa qua dam on pavement :) walked around ho hoan kiem then sipped on some coffee whilst over looking a busy intersection in Ha Noi. Visit son chau at bo sua and boo. Bought a shirt. Then had some bia hoi :) went to cafe align and had a yummy pina co-la-da. grabbed some mien tron for dinner. Then made it back home safely riding through beautiful Ha Noi at night.

I live for days like this in VN. Everyday I go outside is a potential adventure. My only plan that morning was to go grab a birthday present, and it turned into a fun full day of going around old quarters.

I’m loving every second of this. &I’m falling so much deeper.

Love is not a universal language

This blog title sounds pretty pessimistic, no? I think so, but let's not get all pouncy and hear what I have to say... I guess for me, coming to Viet Nam I expected a certain amount of culture shock, and these past couple of days I've been starting to really re-evaluate what the idea of love is and where it even comes from. It all started in history class (I think.) one day when Jeremy talked about the idea of love and marriage and that our dominant perceptions of what love is essentially western ideals. (Sorry Jeremy don't want to twist your words, but it was something along these lines...) And this really got me thinking...

After this I had an interesting talk with Thay about my paper topic for history class, which happens to be prostitution. He told me some interesting stories that intensely boggled my mind. The popularity of prostitution or even extra marital sex is such a normalized part of Vietnamese culture. Having a dish on the side isn't so taboo here. So does that mean these men love their women any less? Or vice versa? or what are even these ideas of love that I have that I'm imposing on my own view of what a relationship or what a marriage should be. When it comes down to it, how can you measure love, or what love is when as you travel and go to different areas, the ideas of love changes. Even within the same country, as you move to other geographical locations and environments are constantly changing. The rules of love are different and quite possibly how much you love becomes immeasurable and irrelative.

Ai-yah, o.O I don't even know what I'm saying anymore... haha, I guess I'm just learning love just might not be a universal language.

Rice Harvest

This week our class went to harvest rice in a village on the outskirts of Ha Noi. Honestly, coming into this, I was pretty excited. Although many people think that I wouldn't be able to get into the nitty gritty aspects of this, what made me really look forward to this was that it was something that would make my grandpa proud of me. Seeing this process was really interesting. To see how hard work is started from the beginning to the end. With the onrise of development and seeing how it has changed many parts of Vietnam, it will be truly a loss if places such as these start disappearing. What is sad is that they already have. Golf courses are sprouting up in every which direction and its a sad part of development.

Central Viet Nam

The ten days spent in central Viet Nam can only be described as beautiful, even then I feel as though that word does it no justice.

Quieter streets, great food, and very pleasant people made it extremely hard for me to leave. Before coming to central, I was going through some things about my grasp of the Vietnamese language. I guess I was really discouraged being in Ha Noi and feeling as though I wasn't improving... Coming to the central and hearing people who sounded like me, made me feel so much more comfortable. For once since I came to Viet Nam I felt like I was able to communicate with a local. A random night in Da Nang, Lan and I went to get some mien ga around 3am and had a long conversation with the man who owned the stand. And here I was amazed with myself. I didn't know where this vocab or confidence came from, but I was able to talk about something other than "what did you do today?"
I just hope I can carry on with this in Ha Noi :)

Glimpse into this week

Being here for a month has been the fastest and slowest times of my life. Viet Nam has taught me how to slow down and soak up whats good around me. Realizing the time we have left, I feel this anxiety that I won't be able to live it up as much as I want to. Recently I've been really beginning to understand the limitations on my Vietnamese. Although I can speak it quite easily with my family, I realize the barriers that exist for me and these barriers in which I have to break down. This week's assignment was to ask a local about the widening gap between the rich and the poor. While I couldn't understand everything the taxi driver said, I was able to get the jest of it. But during this time, I just wanted to be able to ask him more questions and make a real conversation. It was like this lump in my throat where my Vietnamese belonged.

Next few months I gotta reach my goal of getting better!

Reflection on Interview

This week we did an interview on a sales purchasing manager of a refrigerator company. The interview went really well. He was a previous UCHANU student so it made it easier that he understood what our project was about. Something that stuck out to me was that he was reflecting on his time at school and he told us something that i thought was very interesting. He said that many students are very studious, and they spend their time reading and studying. In books, worlds are perfect, but if we get stuck in those worlds, we're not really experiencing life. I think that's what stuck out to me most during this interview.

Dich Vong

This week our group was assigned the area in Ha Noi referred to as Dich Vong. It was an interesting space. On our way there we actually found places that allowed actual four door cars to park. So coming here I thought that this area would be catered to higher class, but as we got closer, the area didn't look much different then "traditional" Ha Noi until we got to the apartment complexes. The area had a look that catered to the lower or middle class. There was actually graffiti and street art on one of the buildings which is really reminiscent of areas in the United States such as the projects. One of my teammates said that these buildings were actually made for displaced people, which I never got to find out where they were from. Within the actual apartment complex area it seemed like a ghost town. Not many people or cars or traffic or businesses. We had to go out on the main street to find everything. Things seemed a little further apart and there was no street market to buy fresh goods. This area seems as though to be a place that is a consequence of development and is evidence of transition...

Group Project #1

For our group project assignment, Team Cucumber was assigned to map out the surrounding areas of the streets Lương Đinh Của and Hoàng Tích Trí. As usual of Viet Nam, in all this humidity, the people of this country are still doing what they do, living their lives. Although the area we were assigned didn't have the fast pace of the busiest part of the city, the place was still very alive with movement. For the UCHANU class, this area is a familiar scene because it was very near where we went bowling during orientation week :) The feeling of these streets made it feel very community like. For our group we were able to find nearly everything on some level. We weren't able to find the shoe shiners and the knife sharpener because they were jobs that were more on the go and they changed places where they work often around the area. (but they exist on those streets!)

Because everything was in reach and able to find, this part of Ha Noi seemed like a very reasonable place to live because the necessities of life were very near in walking distance. The hospital was even just a kilometer away. Many of the shops that were near by were second hand stores instead of boutiques which were very interesting because it called to the fact on how this area was quite affordable. Something that I found interest in was the elementary school! (I think kids are so cute.) This added a touch of a real community with adults and children, which made it a place for family life to grow. Food, education, and health resources were all readily available and accessible.

Gig: Actress

I found the excerpt about Debra Messing to be really interesting. To me, it was surprising to find a familiar name in this book. I've seen a couple of episode of Will &Grace which is the television show that Debra messing is one of the main characters. Watching this show, I found it very comical and entertaining. I didn't begin to think about the implications that this show had for its audience and how much it actually pushed the envelope on hit television shows. When I think about Hollywood, I come to the same stereotypes, paparazzi and scandals, but after reading this article, I am able to come down and remember that acting is another form of art.

I found it touching in the part where Debra Messing recalls the letter from a fourteen year old who had just come out to his mother. By watching Will&Grace, they were able to bond and have their family, mother/son time. This is where I am able to realize the art can be found in television. It's able to move people, and it positively affects the audience. Many times, I'm caught watching senseless reality tv. Although Will&Grace isn't exactly categorized as "artistic and thought-provoking" the light sensed comedy keeps this show interesting and loved. To do something you enjoy for your career, while having a positive impact on others is really beautiful, and I suppose this is what many people strive to achieve.

It's great that she is able to find her niche to do something she loves and enjoys. She is able to go into work, and make others laugh. (And laughing is always nice (: )

A little piece of me.

In 1990, I was born in beautiful sunny San Diego, California. I grew up learning the meaning of love through my parents hard work and my auntie's amazing cooking. From this, I came to realize that my way of giving back my love for them was to do well in school; for me, and for the people who pushed me so hard to do well. Education was always my top priority. Throughout elementary school I lived the life of a latch-key kid. My parents would work from morning until night, which meant that coming home from school, my sisters and I would take care of ourselves and each other until our parents came home from work right before dinner. Because of this, I spent a great portion of my life, being taken care of by my two older sisters, and my auntie and uncle who also lived with me.

By the age of 10, my family moved to another part of town that can only be described as cookie-cutter houses in the new developed suburbs of San Diego. A little confused, I was never able to fully understand why people in my schools never looked like me. In middle school, a student body that consisted of nearly 2000 student had around five Vietnamese American students. In high school, from around 3000 students, there were still only around five students. During this time, I had many conflicts with my identity and who I was. My only tie to being Vietnamese was with my family. During the last two years of high school, while working hard on my education, and holding down a part-time job, I began my journey towards finding my identity.

After getting into UC Berkeley, I was able to really begin to find who I was. Coming to Cal, I was able to start identifying myself as a strong independent womyn. But now, I'm on a new journey to understand and find my family hystory. So here I am in Viet Nam, trying re-plant myself to find my roots.

My goals for the next four months:

1. Learn Vietnamese :)

2. Education. I want to get good grades and really soak up the material!

3. Make new friends!

4. Visit Family!

5. Learn, laugh, live and have fun too!

btw, this was a very short glimpse into my life... please get to know me personally (: I don't bite!